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Posted on September 20, 2006 @ 9:18 pm
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i have a new livejournal. yay.
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Posted on September 16, 2006 @ 12:23 pm
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stress. I want this apartment. I want to leave everyone behind. except for jamo.
I want to go to school and have purpose. I want to meet some new people who are fun and original and real.
*sigh* I want jamo to move in with me.
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| my room is a mess |
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Posted on August 29, 2006 @ 10:35 am
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i can not wait to move. antioch is really gay.
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| This is my perogotive |
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Posted on August 17, 2006 @ 8:33 am
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Yeah so I'm desperately waiting untill i get my financial aid check in the mail. I want out! grr.. patience..
So yeah no work for me today. Jamo is sicky and took the day off soo..yeah I couldn't pass it up. lol. I feel icky too kinda. my throat is bla.
Like i'm not really taking that job as seriously as i should. i'm probably quiting pretty soon anyways soo..ya. iono. i'm moving away, starting school, and seriously rearranging my life in a big way. Why stress about having to go to work in antioch and make nothing? exactly.I shouldn't.
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| what happened to all the space? |
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Posted on August 11, 2006 @ 10:10 am
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mood |
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Back to Friday.
So tomorrow I have to go down to Hayward to take some tests for school. Hope my financial aid goes through so i can move out soon. Sometime in the next month or so. I can't wait!
I've found a lot of great places that I want to go take a look at but I dont have the fnds in my hand just yet. well..i could spend my money but no. lol..
Gotta go to work in a few minutes. Asked to go in late since i was at work all day yesterday... ugh. 16 hours of fun! I get payed today though. and i only plan to stay for about 5 hours cuz i have to come home and study before my love comes home.
Jamo is being really supportive of me getting my own place. He wasn't at first but i explained the freedom it wil give me and how it will set things up for me and him. So now hes a little nicer about it. lol. i can't wait for the day i gotta pack up my things and load em all into his truck and move!! WHOO HOO!!
Antioch really sucks:/ Hecka morons live her. So many a-holes that i could do just fine without ever seeing again or hearing again. Hopefully I will accomplish that once im going to school.
well, have to go eat breakfast and get to work.
Later
...Jess!
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| watching as the stars dissapear to nothing |
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Posted on July 27, 2006 @ 1:40 pm
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work:
work ( P ) Pronunciation Key (wûrk)
n.
Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something.
A job; employment: looking for work.
A trade, profession, or other means of livelihood.
AAGGHHH!!!!!!!
work all day long. from 8 am to midnight. gawrsh.. bla. ugh!!!!!
lol. makin some money i guess. so i can pay off my new car. yeah money...
mon·ey ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mn)
n. pl. mon·eys or mon·ies
A medium that can be exchanged for goods and services and is used as a measure of their values on the market, including among its forms a commodity such as gold, an officially issued coin or note, or a deposit in a checking account or other readily liquifiable account.
The official currency, coins, and negotiable paper notes issued by a government.
Assets and property considered in terms of monetary value; wealth.
i miss jamo :( i wanna see him!!! not untill tomorrow night. !! :(!!!!
someone just called me and said " yes im calling about the mystery shopper" wrong number morons. sheesh.
what is their to write about? all thats happening is work. nothing exciting coming up.
so nothing to write about. hoping i dont get stuck in another "boring rut"
comeone jamo spice things up baby! lets go see a movie or something!
yeah movie. thats spicing it up. were are so boring! lol. but yeah i love his cute boring bottom!
Jess!
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| so this is it |
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Posted on July 23, 2006 @ 3:02 am
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sleepy |
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So i guess now that i've talked to emily ( aka trailer trash...), I kinda like her.
i actualy kinda like her a lot. wow.
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Posted on July 19, 2006 @ 1:16 am
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AAAGGHHHH!!
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| oh yeah |
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Posted on July 13, 2006 @ 12:08 am
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my journal is friends only from now on.
na na
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| and here we are |
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Posted on July 10, 2006 @ 1:41 am
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mood |
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 crushed |
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So the sands of time have brought me back to the livejournal, which in a way is my very bestest friend.
The livejournal doesn't argue, doesn't say mean things, doesn't be a jerk.
bla.
The pain from my accident has gotten a little better but at the same time gotten worse. I don't complain about it because Jamo doesn't think its much of a big deal since none of my bones were broken but the pain is still here. I have a feeling a chiropractor is in order.
I have to go to work tomorrow. I really don't want to go. i think i'll just go in for a few hours and then go home. It's not worth it.
I have to make a recorded statement with my insurance person tomorrow at 11:30 anyways. I hate talking to those people...like i wrecked my car on purpose. yeah thanks dickwads, give my damn check and leave me alone so i can get on with my life.
I'm tired of being depressed..tired of not having a car... and really tired of not having someone to talk to. I need a friend who can understand. But for some reason their doesn't seem to be one person in the entire world who does. Even my beloved has a hard time trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in my head. And he knows me better then anyone on this entire planet.
Friendships are really bla these days. I'm ready to meet new people. I just need to look in the right category. I've been trying to make friends with the wrong people lately.or maybe not the wrong people just the wrong time for them. As usual.
and then theirs richard.lol. which is interestingly enough, a very weird thing. how we end up always coming out the best of friends is beyond my comprehension. but its really cool.
For so long i wrote about wanting more friends, wanting a best friend to spend time with, spend the night with, and just have.I've had all that. I wasn't some freak outcast my entire life with no friends. I've had the best friends like you woudn't believe. but here i am lonely. without them all. how i wish i could have kept just one of them. just one best friend who is their for me no matter what is something i will always wish for.
I need to start letting things go. I need to stop caring. I know i made a resolution to do this not long ago but it escaped me for a while.But here i am once more, I will stop caring so much about people, because in the end, nobody cares about me.
and everyone wonders why jameson and i are always together. we both have the same situation as the other. accept i mind and he doesn't. but on another level we crave a best friend so badly that we can't live without eachother. I dont mind. i like it a lot actually. I still wish i had that make-belive perfect friend though. Life would be less stressfull sometimes if i had that extra ear to talk to.
here are some things about me that everyone should know:
1) I care way toooooo much, if u flake on me or say something fucked up, i will never forget it.
2) I am so hard to get along with. this is due to my giving a fuck when noone else does.I was raised to care about others. it seems this has come back to bite me in the ass.
3) I expect way too much from people. I expect others to do for me what i would do for them. unfortunately i always want to make everyone happy which means i create standards for others because thats what i would do.
4) I am very unforgiving. if i ever forgive u, feel lucky. because i can be a cold heartless bitch sometimes and i will rip your heart out and laugh at you if u piss me off enough.
5) I am lonely. aside from jamo my books are my best friend. people are too phony for me to get along with so i run away from the world in my books.
6) I try too hard. I try way too hard to be happy which in turn makes me miserable.
7) I get sad a lot. Nobody knows it but I am a sad person. I often want to cry for other people misfortune.
8)I don't like sugarcoating anything. If you have a problem fucking say so.
basically thats it. i'm hard to live with. Sometimes i think i need a lesbian friend. who will be so entertained by my boobs that she will always listen and care about me and has a never-ending supply of hugs. One that Jamo will not mind because i know he wants me to be lez.
Jameson- your so wonderfull and any joy you ever see on my face is because of you. without u i would be nothing but a sad lonely person. you are the only reason my heart still beats, I love you.
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Posted on July 08, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
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 miserable |
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my arm is still hurting me a lot.
and i have to work tonight.
and still no car. i find out on tuesday whats going on. im already assuming the worst and im looking for a new ride..
SF on tuesday. really looking forward to it.
ugh..............
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| goodbye blue sky |
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Posted on July 07, 2006 @ 1:52 pm
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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Yeah..i just got my car, and my clutch went out on me on the freeway in the middle of the night on my way home from work. So the VERY next day i had it towed to a shop. After paying 650 bucks to get my clutch and flywheel replaced im leaving the parking lot and someone smashes right into the passenger side of my car. both airbags deployed. My tire just about fell off. my new rim was shot to hell, and coolant or somthing was leaking from my car, which i am assuming my radiator is shot. lucky for me last week i put on full coverage. Sound like a total? I guess i'll find out on monday...
and to top it off, i spent 6 hours in the emergency room because i thought i broke my hand. which i didn't.. but u can bet ur ass im sore all over, and i think i have whiplash.
right about now i hate my life. really really bad...
Life has been yanking me around a lot lately. I am becoming mroe of a believer in karma since i started working at the bingo hall. So i have been wondering what I have done as of late that could warrant my current demise. Lucky for me my loving boyfriend can think of some things that i could have done.
In this world there are 2 ways to look at ones life. One way would be the way God desires, and that would be viewing your past mistakes as simply that, past mistakes. The other is counterproductive, where we feel frustrated, or even hopeless. Looking at your troubles this way does not lead to postive change, in fact, because it causes you to feel worthless. Unfortunatly, that is how alot of us have been taught to deal with sin. We have been taught that we have this benchmark to live up to, and when we fail, we are doomed. We do have a benchmark, you know, loving others as yourself, to live up to, but it never should cause us feel worthless. However, it should convict us, causing us to want to overcome our shortcomings, that is, even if we comit them day in and day out.
I just wish i could think of some solution to my problems. I guess patience is they key for now. That and listening to my pick-me-up-song. which for some reasons always seams to be another brick in the wall by pink floyd. lol. yes, i am strange, but the song makes me feel so much better.
I think i might need to go back to the doctor. I hate to say it really. I hate admiting to being in pain, and i hate looking like a wuss but honestly, i hate the pain more in this case. My whole left arm and neck are hurting me a lot. Im hoping the pain will dull down a little or i might have to see about physical therapy or something.
And i hope they figure out the deal with my car pretty soon. The insurance guy for the people who hit me just called not too long ago. I hate having to explain what happened over and over again. I think i had to tell atleast 5 people last night at the hospital. so frustrating....
And im thinking about making a new livejournal. or atleast finding a way to delete some people off my little friends list i have here.
gahh...
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| hello |
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Posted on July 06, 2006 @ 3:16 pm
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mood |
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 content |
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so 4th of july was ok. just because of jamo. thats the only reason.
and friends stink.
my car broke. on the freeway. poo. had to get a tow home. and towed to the shop. can't wait for it to get fixed itll prolly b today. i hope
i love jamo, he was their for me!! the only one who ever has been.
i love you baby
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| theirs no room for 2 so u are gunna have to move |
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Posted on June 27, 2006 @ 12:51 am
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im home and im tired. cant sleep.
i almost died on my way home. then i ran out of gas and coasted into the gas station.
i ws thinking about how annoying people are when they sing hella loud when their around me. i hate it.
im going to ohio with my sweet boy and his family.
my book comes out tomorrow
i worked 16 hours straight today.
i want a tattoo but im not gunna get one
instead im going to peirce my ears again and possibly my toungue.
and im going to bed now.
goodnight assholes
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| why? |
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Posted on June 21, 2006 @ 2:22 am
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why is everyone so mean to me?
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| feeling better |
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Posted on June 11, 2006 @ 11:34 am
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mood |
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 weird |
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gah. 7 hrs of sleep later and i feel a little better. thats most sleep i've gotten in a while. how nice for me.
i hope today is a good day.
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| man your battlestations |
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Posted on June 11, 2006 @ 3:22 am
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mood |
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crushed |
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so here i am home from work. everyone in my house is up. or should i say my moms not home so nick and marissa just never went to bed. its 3:30 in the morning.
I've been really struggling. The loss of my kitten is constantly on my mind. And im constantly having to choke back tears from the thought of it but still sometimes i am unsuccesful and cry anyways. I wish i knew what happened and i wish i was their to stop it. I'm a cat lover and i always will be. My cats are my baby's. literally. The loss of one is so devastating to me. She was just a little innocent baby... just so cruel that shes gone. what i would do to have her back.
It isn't just my loss that im constantly mourning. What about the little boy? What about Milky? He has no playmate anymore and milky lost a baby. i wish life was a little easier right now.. everything else is going really well but this one loss was a huge blow to my being. I have a new car, Jameson is just about permanent...good things are happening but this.. this just makes everything seem so numb. Like i'm happy about it but im more sad then anything. i know you may be reading this and thinking that ist's just a cat... but its more then that... so much more. my babies are what makes me happy. Of course jameson does and everything but thats a given. I can feel pure joy when i look at them running and playing. No matter what they lift me when im sad.. and now one is gone. it just hurts.
I wish i was a little stronger then this. The time i've spent crying is tremendous. I hope i can grow numb to this soon because im so exhausted. not only from lack of sleep but for the time i've spent crying. I feel so distant from everything. im just achy and sore inside heartbroken and lost in a world of why's. and pissed off. i want to turn the music up loud and drown in it till everything goes away. till im so numb and can't feel it anymore..
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| so today is 6-6-06 |
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Posted on June 06, 2006 @ 6:56 am
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mood |
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 tired |
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creepy huh? and i already have to work on my stinkin day off!!!!
jamos test is today- everyone wish him luck!!!
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Posted on June 05, 2006 @ 6:56 am
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mood |
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 i'm ok |
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yesterday was our anniversary!! it was mexican day at the fair. overwhelmed is an understatement. but i love him so much!!!!!!!!!it was fun!! and i need to figure out how to transfer pictures from my phone to my omputer. cuz we got some good pictures.
he bought me a light up rose and we both won me a teddy bear! lol. a little tiny one but its so cute!
and i feel poopy today. so im not going to work. its going downhill from here. but whatever. they dont pay me enough money to go extend my hours. ill go in for a few hours tomorrow. i swear it.
but yeah. im in love!!!
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nightseer00's journal
